The Honest Truth

I don't know exactly what it is i'm about to write but i do know that it's a subject that's been floating around my head for about a week or two and i keep meaning to blog about it but always find something better to do. Tonight, it's late and i'm not as tired as i thought i was and with no-one online to distract me and no games to play or emails to write, i couldn't think of a better thing than to write that blog i've been meaning to write.

The title of this blog might become clear at the end, who knows!

In the last week, i have received two emails, consoled one person and continued the journey on this path that we call friendship. I have been reminded of the things that i hold close to my heart and the qualities that i value in any kind of relationship.

I may have already blogged on this before but if i have, it's simply because this is a part of my heart that i feel strongly about.

Relationships, whatever form they come in, are the most stupid, tricky and complex things i have ever come across and they are something that i think i will go to my grave not having ever figured out.

I always vow to never again start a new kind of relationship with anyone because the ones i already have take so much effort and work. A relationship is a very high maintenance affair which is why it puts me off wanting to start a new one. And yet, i always seem to find someone else to relate to, someone else to befriend.

In the last six months, i have started MANY new friendships, ended one, struggled with others and grown deeper with those closest to my heart. I've learnt more about what real friendships are and the glue that holds it together.

I'm a hermit but i'm also a leech. I love my own company, sometimes being with others makes me extremely anxious but when i find the people that love me, i cling to them and sometimes i have to be careful not to smother them - there is such a fine line between being a hermit and a leech that it can be hard to find the right balance. Perhaps that's why maintaining friendships is so hard for me to do.

But anyway, in any sort of relationship, there are two most important things i value most. Whenever either of these are breached, i feel such a deep sense of pain and hurt and it's what makes it difficult to begin something new with someone else, it destroys all trust i have in another person, knowing they could hurt me in exactly the same way.

Trust and honesty.

Being able to be honest and trusting they will still be there for you after that honesty has been delivered. I will always stick to the belief that if there is no communication in any kind of relationship, it won't work. The same applies with honesty, if you can't be open and tell the truth, it also won't work.

That's not to say that something can't be said with respect and with care and feeling, unless your intention is to hurt them.

I'm actually not quite sure where i'm going with this anymore except to say that this is a desperate plea to all my friends and loved ones.

Please, don't hide anything. Say what you mean. Tell the truth and be open about the relationship we have. If it's meant to end, it will end (perhaps for the best!) and if it's meant to last then that will happen too. Honesty and truth end any kind of relationships the RIGHT way, in due course, the season may be over but it may have just begun. But if it is hidden, the ending of that relationship can be painful and messy, destroying all faith and trust in others which that person might have.

The people in my life that grant me truth, honesty and loyalty are my most treasured friends!