The Anti-Socialist

Life is pretty random when you really sit down and think about it - well i think so anyway.

Today has been a 'not-so-good' day for me.

I've done a lot of thinking about happiness and the things that make me content and satisfied. I've also analysed everything about my life, taking into consideration how old i am.

It gets depressing.

Lately i've done a lot of thinking about relationships, and when i use that word 'relationship' i just mean, everyone in general, not just the mushy boy/girl thing.

As a Christian, i know that relationships are the key to being a good, successful Christian. I know it deep in my heart but lately, in my head, they are the one thing that i wish i could get rid of in my whole life.

Relationships cause the following:

* Heartache

* Confusion

* They take a lot of work

* They take away the majority of independance

As much as love to be in a relationship with anyone, i also hate it and i never really want to be in anymore relationships than the ones i already have. So if you're thinking it would be fun to make friends with me, please reconsider that!

Sometimes i wish i could just run away from everything and everyone in my life and just live life unrecognised, knowing no-one. I guess it might get kinda lonely from time to time, but at least you wouldn't have to put the effort into pleasing someone.

People can be the most annoying thing about life, with all their own random, stupid ideas and each one of them thinking their way is the right way, it's 100% worse when people go to university and become 'educated' and think they've pretty much learnt everything there is to know about life. Personal gripe.

But as much as i'd like to cut the ties with every single person in my life, i know as a christian it's not what my life is about, it's not about me. It's not about being selfish and getting everything i want. In fact, it's about Jesus Christ and leading people towards him and we do that through being in relationships with people, or so i've been told, earning their trust and respect enough to be able to show them the one person that knows what actual true and lasting love and relationship is.

Being a Christian and wanting people to understand this God that can transform their life is super hard when you don't want to have anything to do with anyone. Sometimes, i struggle with the 'relationship' thing. So many times i've cried out to God asking why i need to be close to anyone but Him.

I think i wouldn't mind being in relationship with people so much if they didn't complicate things so much. Why do people always have to make things harder than they already are? My relationship with God is uncomplicated and it works great for me. I'm not saying it's an easy relationship but he understands me and he offers me things that i don't deserve and he forgives me without question and he loves me unfailingly.

I can see why he's a little hard to live up to but I guess it also means i need to follow his footsteps and put myself behind me and offer all those things to the people that frustrate me and make me wanna crawl under a rock and hide, because i'm pretty darn sure there have been times when God has felt the same frustration towards me!