A Haunting Nightmare
I've been deciding whether or not to blog this because of it's personal nature but then i thought, Alisha? Personal??? What's my news, is your news. So i reconsidered and am about to share with you a dream i had and the way it made me feel. If at any point in the dream you feel as though you should not be reading this, feel free to leave my blog site immediately which i'm sure you will anyway. (Why people even come to this site, is beyond me anyway!)
Ok...I had the following dream:
The scene was the Earlwood Salvo building. It was my wedding day. (there's your indication that it's just a dream?!)
i was waiting outside the baby cry room/toilets with my veil bothering me, so i stuck the comb with the veil into my hair, because i hadn't already done so.
I nervously walked down the aisle, looking down at the white dress that managed to make me look decent, i wondered what the hell i was doing. I get to the end and standing there to greet me is my fiance/husband to be. His name i actually can remember but won't disclose here - his name i didn't recognise but in case he is a real person, but like i said, won't disclose here.
The service commenced. As we neared the vows, a thousand crazy thoughts ran wildly through my head in every direction, i had to make sense of it all. I know that the person was not who i wanted to marry because he was second best and i didn't want to marry or settle for someone who was second best. I wanted to leave and i didn't want to go ahead with the marriage but what about my parents, they would've been so disappointed in me. They paid so much money to put on my wedding and what? i wanted to spoil everything??? But if i didn't run away, i would've had to live with second best for the rest of my life, marriage isn't something you can get out of easily if at all and shouldn't be taken lightly. There was too many thoughts....what about the guests, what about the groom? He'd be crushed???? I just had this sick feeling in the pit of my stomach.
So at the last moment, i turned around and ran back out of the hall and hid in the toilets, sobbing my heart out. I'd just spoiled everything, everyone would think i was an idiot. Only one person came to console me for the 3 or 4 hours that i trapped myself in the toilets as the guests and my family dwindled and went home and although i'm not going to say who it was here, and that he was the last person i expected to console me. As i sat sobbing in the toilets, i wasn't happy with his advice and through my tears and sobs, i yelled at him to pretty much go away and live his own perfect life because mine was far from perfect and i didn't need the reinforcement of the message.
When everyone had gone, i nervously vacated the toilets and walked out into the hall, it was all beautifully decorated and empty. One person remained. It was the person who was supposed to now be my husband. He was heartbroken, you could tell he'd been crying. I walked down the aisle again and sat beside him where he was sitting. None of us spoke but the mutual feeling that it was over could be heard in the silence from miles away.
THEN I WOKE UP......
It freaked me out?! I'm so scared to get married now. I don't wanna walk down the aisle and realise that i'm about to spend the rest of my life with someone i don't want to be with and at the last moment i don't want to realise my own wedding isn't where i want to be. I would be utterly devastated. I can just feel that sick feeling in the bottom of my stomach thinking about it!
Up until i was about 23ish, i never wanted to get married, i was against the whole marriage thing. In the whole world around me i saw how unhappy people seemed to be in a marriage and i didn't want my life to be like that, i didn't want to be trapped in it.
Then i changed my mind and decided that marriage can actually work if both parties put the effort into making it work and live Godly lives filled with love, compassion, forgiveness and understanding and who know each others weaknesses and strengths and are understanding of them. I saw 'normal' couples who had been married forever who were still happily in love and realised maybe there is a chance that it does actually work. So i changed my tune about the whole marriage issue.
THEN I DREAMT THAT?!
Marriage still freaks me out because i'm little miss independant and i don't think i need anyone but God to complete my life. But when it comes down to it, we all need a companion for life, someone to share our sorrows and joys with.
SO maybe i'll just continue to give love a chance and let the dream pass me by and not phase me. However, it has still been haunting me all day?!
Some dreams are so stupid!
Tink xoxo
PS: If you're a boy and you're reading this, sorry for the mush!
Ok...I had the following dream:
The scene was the Earlwood Salvo building. It was my wedding day. (there's your indication that it's just a dream?!)
i was waiting outside the baby cry room/toilets with my veil bothering me, so i stuck the comb with the veil into my hair, because i hadn't already done so.
I nervously walked down the aisle, looking down at the white dress that managed to make me look decent, i wondered what the hell i was doing. I get to the end and standing there to greet me is my fiance/husband to be. His name i actually can remember but won't disclose here - his name i didn't recognise but in case he is a real person, but like i said, won't disclose here.
The service commenced. As we neared the vows, a thousand crazy thoughts ran wildly through my head in every direction, i had to make sense of it all. I know that the person was not who i wanted to marry because he was second best and i didn't want to marry or settle for someone who was second best. I wanted to leave and i didn't want to go ahead with the marriage but what about my parents, they would've been so disappointed in me. They paid so much money to put on my wedding and what? i wanted to spoil everything??? But if i didn't run away, i would've had to live with second best for the rest of my life, marriage isn't something you can get out of easily if at all and shouldn't be taken lightly. There was too many thoughts....what about the guests, what about the groom? He'd be crushed???? I just had this sick feeling in the pit of my stomach.
So at the last moment, i turned around and ran back out of the hall and hid in the toilets, sobbing my heart out. I'd just spoiled everything, everyone would think i was an idiot. Only one person came to console me for the 3 or 4 hours that i trapped myself in the toilets as the guests and my family dwindled and went home and although i'm not going to say who it was here, and that he was the last person i expected to console me. As i sat sobbing in the toilets, i wasn't happy with his advice and through my tears and sobs, i yelled at him to pretty much go away and live his own perfect life because mine was far from perfect and i didn't need the reinforcement of the message.
When everyone had gone, i nervously vacated the toilets and walked out into the hall, it was all beautifully decorated and empty. One person remained. It was the person who was supposed to now be my husband. He was heartbroken, you could tell he'd been crying. I walked down the aisle again and sat beside him where he was sitting. None of us spoke but the mutual feeling that it was over could be heard in the silence from miles away.
THEN I WOKE UP......
It freaked me out?! I'm so scared to get married now. I don't wanna walk down the aisle and realise that i'm about to spend the rest of my life with someone i don't want to be with and at the last moment i don't want to realise my own wedding isn't where i want to be. I would be utterly devastated. I can just feel that sick feeling in the bottom of my stomach thinking about it!
Up until i was about 23ish, i never wanted to get married, i was against the whole marriage thing. In the whole world around me i saw how unhappy people seemed to be in a marriage and i didn't want my life to be like that, i didn't want to be trapped in it.
Then i changed my mind and decided that marriage can actually work if both parties put the effort into making it work and live Godly lives filled with love, compassion, forgiveness and understanding and who know each others weaknesses and strengths and are understanding of them. I saw 'normal' couples who had been married forever who were still happily in love and realised maybe there is a chance that it does actually work. So i changed my tune about the whole marriage issue.
THEN I DREAMT THAT?!
Marriage still freaks me out because i'm little miss independant and i don't think i need anyone but God to complete my life. But when it comes down to it, we all need a companion for life, someone to share our sorrows and joys with.
SO maybe i'll just continue to give love a chance and let the dream pass me by and not phase me. However, it has still been haunting me all day?!
Some dreams are so stupid!
Tink xoxo
PS: If you're a boy and you're reading this, sorry for the mush!
posted by Unknown at
Monday, March 27, 2006
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