Not content being content
I've been thinking lately at how content i seem to be and it's freaking me out.
For decades i've been trying to make people realise my potential and to actually find the person inside of me that God created me to be and screaming inside for others to know that as well.
This past year, I've felt like God has really been answering that prayer within me. It's not something he's 'boomed' upon me but simply something that he's slowly blessing me with and at any time could also take away from me so it's not something i take lightly nor do i take it for granted.
But lately i've felt content. Happy to be in the stage of life and at the level of spiritual maturity that i'm at. But i looked up the word content in the dictionary (because i had a mental blank and thought that content was the material in a book etc) and you know what the word content means??? It means 'not wanting anything more'.
That is the COMPLETE opposite of who i am or how my relationship with God makes me feel! I don't WANT to be content!!!!! Sure, i'm happy with the person that i'm panning out to be and the spiritual growth that is happening in my life and i AM content with God ie. there's nothing more i want than God but by no means does content mean the same thing as happiness. In fact, i've realised, and even always known deep down, that you can be happy being uncontent (is that a word, couldn't find that one in the dictionary!).
But the point i'm probably unsuccessfully trying to make, is that just because i'm at the point of life i've wanted to be at for so much of my life, doesn't mean that i am content. I DO want more but i want more of what God has for me, not more programs, not more responsability just more of God, all the things he has for my life, all the things HE wants me to be and i will keep striving to be that person no matter what it takes. I'll keep aiming at higher and better things because i know that's the excellence God requires me to strive for and because if i don't, i'll become, as i am now, content and that's when the alarm bells start ringing, they started ringing this morning when i left my house for work which prompted me to blog.
I wanna feel uncontent again, it's just such a good place to be and i never realised it more than i am now. When you accomplish all things you set out to achieve, there's a haunting feeling of, where now, what's next? And i don't want to be in that place. I want more!!!!! I want to be in that place again where I'm crying out to God saying, "hey Lord, i'm not content, give me more!!!!!".
YEA! WOO...that's what i want!
Tink xoxo
PS: I just looked out the window and there is an ad on a bus with some fortune cookies in the form of a human seductively sliding down a stripping pole - is that really necessary???? Why do ads stoop so low, why?? i was pretty peeved when i saw that! Just thought i'd share how disturbed that made me feel. Be disturbed, get uncomfortable, why tolerate unwholesome things???!
For decades i've been trying to make people realise my potential and to actually find the person inside of me that God created me to be and screaming inside for others to know that as well.
This past year, I've felt like God has really been answering that prayer within me. It's not something he's 'boomed' upon me but simply something that he's slowly blessing me with and at any time could also take away from me so it's not something i take lightly nor do i take it for granted.
But lately i've felt content. Happy to be in the stage of life and at the level of spiritual maturity that i'm at. But i looked up the word content in the dictionary (because i had a mental blank and thought that content was the material in a book etc) and you know what the word content means??? It means 'not wanting anything more'.
That is the COMPLETE opposite of who i am or how my relationship with God makes me feel! I don't WANT to be content!!!!! Sure, i'm happy with the person that i'm panning out to be and the spiritual growth that is happening in my life and i AM content with God ie. there's nothing more i want than God but by no means does content mean the same thing as happiness. In fact, i've realised, and even always known deep down, that you can be happy being uncontent (is that a word, couldn't find that one in the dictionary!).
But the point i'm probably unsuccessfully trying to make, is that just because i'm at the point of life i've wanted to be at for so much of my life, doesn't mean that i am content. I DO want more but i want more of what God has for me, not more programs, not more responsability just more of God, all the things he has for my life, all the things HE wants me to be and i will keep striving to be that person no matter what it takes. I'll keep aiming at higher and better things because i know that's the excellence God requires me to strive for and because if i don't, i'll become, as i am now, content and that's when the alarm bells start ringing, they started ringing this morning when i left my house for work which prompted me to blog.
I wanna feel uncontent again, it's just such a good place to be and i never realised it more than i am now. When you accomplish all things you set out to achieve, there's a haunting feeling of, where now, what's next? And i don't want to be in that place. I want more!!!!! I want to be in that place again where I'm crying out to God saying, "hey Lord, i'm not content, give me more!!!!!".
YEA! WOO...that's what i want!
Tink xoxo
PS: I just looked out the window and there is an ad on a bus with some fortune cookies in the form of a human seductively sliding down a stripping pole - is that really necessary???? Why do ads stoop so low, why?? i was pretty peeved when i saw that! Just thought i'd share how disturbed that made me feel. Be disturbed, get uncomfortable, why tolerate unwholesome things???!
posted by Unknown at
Tuesday, September 12, 2006
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