Party Party Party

I'm relatively sure i can safely post this next blog without anyone involved reading this. However, i know this is a public blog and i can't stop anyone from reading this, i'm fully aware of that!

It's 2:31am and no, i am not online chatting to anyone. I've just come home, changed into comfy PJ's and am reflecting on the past 5 or so hours with very mixed thoughts.

Tonight i went to a mates birthday party. It wasn't one with musical chairs and pass the parcel, although there WAS a birthday cake, ha!

I have a very mixed and varied bunch of friends. Some are full on Christians, living their lives passionately for Jesus, others are not involved with church, others are on and off Christians and some just don't know Jesus and others still couldn't care less.

Then there is me. Stuck in between all of them. The full on Christians inspire me but also annoy me at the same time. Sometimes they seem to live on their own little cloud and yet i love their passion for God. And the people who don't wanna know Jesus break my heart because their lives are so out of control that they don't care or don't even know it!

As i sit here and blog, the contrast between the worlds is so blatantly obvious. I went to another mates 21st a few weeks back and the difference between the two parties was incredible.

I am in a prime place in my life right now. God has me there for a reason and yet sometimes i don't know what to do with that amazing opportunity but i know full well that it's there, that it's an open door i can step through at any given moment. But it's like not being able to walk, you don't know which foot to put first.

I didn't intend on staying long at this party tonight because i knew i would be so far out of my comfort zone and i was right. But i stayed til almost the end. I helped diffuse a fight, i sat with a sober friend and chatted, i sat with a passed out friend and made sure he was alright and i was there for the party person as a good friend should be. And perhaps God had me stay longer than i wanted to for a reason, who knows?!

But there were so many young lives there putting all their faith into alcohol and other things when there's so much more to life than they think. Twice during the party people said to me, 'you don't drink, you don't smoke, so what do you do?' It was as if that was all there was to having fun or to partying or to life itself. I have to be honest and say that it broke my heart. I saw all the good in them, their potential, their personalities and characters and just felt so sad in my heart that this was all there was to their life.

The hardest part to all of this is that they don't care. To them it's fun, it's what a good time is made of. They're happy doing what they do. I can't change them and nothing i say or do will change anything. I have to leave it with God and trust that his power will break through to them at some point before they die.

I felt like i was a red frog person all over again - realised how much i missed it. Red Frogs has never been personal for me. They're kids i've never met and aren't friends with and so i've never felt as sad as i felt tonight. These are people i know and love, and it upsets me so much more. It's true what the pastor at church said on Sunday night, actions speak louder than words and most often people will hold what you preach against you but they'll never question your actions. He said that our actions speak more truth about who we are than our words do.

To the people at that party who broke my heart into way too many pieces, you are precious and you are loved. Tonight at this early hour of the morning know that i am praying for whatever circumstance you are facing and that this prayer is for every single person i spoke to tonight.