Pathways

Just before i start this post, y'all should check out a RECENT POST i wrote before i went overseas. I'd saved it to my drafts and never posted it (i don't know why), so today, i posted it. It's interesting. Just read it! hahaha...

I have been blogging now for ..... i dunno .....5 years maybe? July 2005 was my first post.

I know, it's crazy, seems like yesterday i was crooning over Brad and loving Big Brother! But i love it. Most of the time i don't have anything much worth saying and a lot of the time it's all nonsical (trust me, i have the list!) AND i could rave on for hours about nothing inparticular but i love blogging nonetheless.

Post-camp life is a lame downward spiral drag and i HATE HATE HATE that no-one gets it, it never gets any better, every year it's exactly the same. Whenever i reminisce about something or someone from camp, i feel like a broken record that people say 'that's nice dear' to and go about their day. Gahhh. I just want to live in my own camp world forever, which leads me to my next subject.

I am old and i still don't know where my life should go. I am actually literally motivated to do NOTHING. There is absolutely nothing that my hearts desire is. Every time i think about what it is i should do, my mind goes blank. All of my being just says, 'go live in America' but that's hardly a life-long profession now is it?! Often i find myself repeating this little phrase, 'if camp was a year long experience, i would have found my career!'

Sooooo i THIIIINK today i made the decision to do the Certificate 4 in Community Services at TAFE (community college) which starts in February and then if i complete that, then I'll do my Diploma in Community Services. Hopefully in the middle of that or the end, whatever comes first i can then become a case worker or something equally as respectable and then, at the end of all that, i might then be able to make the move to work in my career field in the USA. That is my plan (my uncle keeps telling me that he has a vision of me living in the USA someday).

Of course, if i am able to continue my studies in America, that would be a bonus but just as an added precaution, i plan on finishing all that in the previous order in this dumb country.

And i was thinking about it all today and i guess it feels right. I dunno. For a few years now, i've avoided saying 'this is what God wants' or 'this is God's will for my life' because frankly, i don't know what God's will is for my life. There, i said it. And i don't particularly want to put words in God's mouth for him. I reckon sometimes in my life he's probably been like, 'i said what?' or 'Since when did i ask you to do that?'. Too many times have i wrongly spoken on behalf of God.

When you look back in hindsight of your life (and i understand i'm not quite 70 yet), things start to make sense. You see a much bigger scope of what part God has or is playing in your life.

When i said this next step in my life 'feels right' i guess i am just judging that based on where i've come from and what things have happened in my life over the past 30 years rather than what is God saying to me.

Leaving The Salvation Army church was one of the best decisions i've ever made in my life and yet i still respect and agree with what they stand for as an organisation. But it has also made me much more aware and sensitive of homelessness and welfare issues and the needy people in society. Being part of The Salvation Army exposed me to things i most probably would never have experienced had i not been a part of it and so my heart was broken for these things numerous times throughout my life. I guess the emotional state of my heart now could be a direct result of being brought up in this organisation.

I've seen my parents as Salvation Army officers conduct welfare interviews, i've even completed some random 'youth welfare' course a few years back, i've had the privilege of taking care of School leavers at 'Schoolies', i've been to summer camp and been privileged again working with campers that come from less than the greatest home lives, disadvantaged they're called.

So yea. I guess, whether it's 'God's will' or not, it just seems like the right thing to do considering where i've come from and how my life seems to have been shaped up until this point.

That's all well and good in theory and i really hope to stick by this plan ultimately, but we will just see whether that application form gets handed in before the closing date. I'll definitely keep this blog updated!

=)