This Time 'Round

I arrived home from the USA yesterday. The jetlag is being kind to me and i am not doing too badly - praise the Lord!

But what i've realised in the last 24 hours, is that being 'home' doesn't seem right. In fact, it seems so wrong.

This is my third year at camp. The first year i arrived home, it felt good, i felt a little outta place, not a lot of people wanted to know about what i'd done and no-one could understand but it was nice being home.

After my second year, i was depressed. I would cry at the drop of a hat and want to be back in the USA. Still, no-one understood me, but being home wasn't quite as nice.

And this time around, everything is just wrong. Nothing here fits. I feel so detached from everything. My heart's not here, my head's not here - i honestly feel like a foreigner here, as if there's nothing on offer here. It feels like everything i do here is futile and won't work.

That was just a thought i wanted to share.

On a seperate, possibly brighter, note, I realised what i want the next journey/step of my life to be about.

Every year when i come home from camp i want to work outdoors and have always thought of getting some sort of qualification in recreation but at the same time it never seems right.

While i was showering off the sick plane grime from my body yesterday, i was thinking about it again and realised that it is the campers who impact my life the most and i want to work with people like the campers. So i think i want to work in something like foster care or with DOCS or something similar. It's actually something i've thought of doing before but never done anything about. Now, it just seems so right.

So next year (always starting the year fresh) I'm thinking of going to TAFE (don't ever wanna go to uni) and getting an appropriate qualification that fits the bill for that direction. I'm a little excited about it.

I also would love to become a qualified piercer and would love to open a piercing studio so will have a think about that too. That might just be a side project though.

Anyway, i know this blog kinda contradicts itself in some ways but i guess i have a lot of different feelings and emotions happening in my body right now and it's just about dealing with all of those things.