R U OK?

In a usual blog, i don't often have anything worth blogging about but in this blog i do, i can assure of that. For those of you who know me, you know that i almost always wear my heart on my sleeve, so in the spirit of doing just that, what i'm about to write next is personal to me, but i'm ok and i think that if we all share our story, someone going through something similar might think they're ok too....

From the age of about 17 through til i was about 23, i was plagued with thoughts of suicide at almost every turn. Thoughts that, had Jesus not have 'picked up my pieces', so to speak, i might not have been here to tell that story.

I've never had great self-esteem/self worth, never had a huge bundle of friends and not really even had that one close friend you share everything with but i've learnt to deal with it.

I've always hidden these sort of feelings with a mask of loudness, being outgoing and to a point being obnoxious and outspoken to cover my insecurity of being fat and not being good enough and of being a failure.

It got to a point at the age of 18 where I didn't want to be alive anymore and had all these feelings of self-hate and thought of ways to end my life completely. You name it, i thought it. Slitting my wrists, hanging myself, overdosing. At that age i wasn't aware that one could gas themselves in a car and so the fear of physical pain outweighed my emotional and mental pain enough to keep me alive i guess.

Between the ages of 21 and 23 i used guys to fill that void of loneliness and not people i knew either, complete strangers.

At a Salvation Army christian conference, Double Impact, Jesus came between myself and all the wrong lies i'd been told or had told myself up until that point. I now have a committed relationship with him because he told me the truth about myself and i live my life with Jesus as a central priority of my life.

He gives me joy where there was sadness, he is a friend when there is loneliness, he loves on me when i am unloved, he tells me the truth when the enemy fills my head with lies.

And that's just it, there ARE times when all these things come back to haunt me but i have full confidence and faith in a God who is faithful and who loves me limitlessly, who knows my true self-worth. And there are some days where i DO feel down in the dumps and beside myself but God picks me up and shows me what the purpose for my life is, he continues to love on me on those days of self-loathing and when i spend the time with him, he speaks words of healing over my life and of comfort and peace, soooo many times he's filled my heart with peace.

But it's because of his grace and mercy and love that i can tell people that IT IS OK! There is more to life, more to live for, more than what you think there is at the end of the day.

Those that are hurting might not believe in Jesus and that's fine, that is completely their own decision and the point of this story is not to 'bible bash' someone into a relationship with Christ, although if they DID come into a relationship with him because of this, that would be super cool. But the point is that there are so many obstacles we have to face in life but that we're not alone! Everyone has to cross them at some point, everyone. What you choose to do with that obstacle is what sets you apart from the rest of the 'rat race'. And if it seems too difficult, like you just can't keep going, you HAVE to know that there IS help out there, there ARE people EXACTLY in your same situation, people that KNOW how it feels to feel sad and feel lonely and to feel hurt mentally, spiritually, physically or emotionally, you don't have to do it alone, and the thought of taking one's own life should NEVER have to be an option!

That's just my story in a nutshell and sadly, i KNOW there are people whose story is much more heart-breaking than mine which is why it's SO important to ask people how they're holding up and how they're doing.

And to all my friends who regularly support, encourage and love me, YOU are Jesus in my life - you're the ones who keep me going! THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!

To Katie Ryan/Reid and Pip Almond, your love and generosity is one that i will forever remember and a love that has changed my life completely!!!!

So having said all that, the actual point of my blog is that it's 'R U OK?' day. Who have you asked if they're ok? Who are you GOING to ask if they're ok?

So....

R U OK??? What's your story???

www.ruokday.com.au