The Man of My Dreams
Singleness has been so much apart of who i am for so long that i have come to a point where it's all i can think about and until i solve the mystery of being single my mind just doesn't seem like it wants to rest and because it's been almost the only thing i've been thinking about lately, it might also explain why the other night, i quite literally dreamt of...well...the man of my dreams...
Since dreaming of this completely mythical creature of the night, I blogged about him on myspace and i've blogged about how i should view singleness as a Christian woman. However, I've come up with a completely bizarre and whacked new theory on what this man of my dreams could be.
For those of you who don't have a myspace or prefer to read my blog as a seperate entity, i need to brief you on what happened the other night.
I dreamt of the man of my dreams. That's it basically. But he was everything i want my bf/husband to be. The only setback was that he couldn't possibly EVER exist! And i've always thought that 'the man of my dreams' (who i'd never actually dreamt of until now) was unobtainable because to this day i have too much criteria that he'd have to meet. When my mother tells me that i am 'too picky' about the perfect man, she's extremely correct and sometimes i choose to brush it off and roll my eyes because - it's a pretty hard thing to have to admit!
I'm telling you, this man was PERFECT! He loved me for who i was, every single action, gesture, word i spoke, smile i made - HE LOVED!!!! He loved me with a burning passion and it was if he couldn't get enough of me which is only ONE criteria i have. In this dream it was as if he couldn't bear the thought of being apart from me.
But the way we met was so natural and he wasn't sleazy OR trying to hook up with me(not that that happens often but you know what i mean). He wasn't insincere about being interested in me and the attraction between both of us was completely mutual. He was everything i ever wanted and i was everything he ever wanted.
Oh...honestly, words cannot describe how wonderful this man was?! No matter how many colourful words and images i write here, you will never understand just how amazing he was, which is a shame coz i wish you really could understand that!
Anyway, the dream ended as they always do and, as i closed my eyes and stuffed a pillow over my head trying to block out the harsh reality of waking up, that sinking gut feeling of 'why did i have to wake up' was iminant.
I went through that whole day desperately wanting to see that man again and then slapping myself to remind me that it was a dream and not reality. Even now, there are still things that remind me of him and my heart bleeds and aches just to catch one more glimpse of my true love who doesn't even exist! For goodness sake, i went to bed last nite desperately hoping to see him in that same place where i met him! I woke up realising he didn't meet me.
Now, for any guys who read this i know, it's mush! But the thing that's been haunting me about this dream is that this man cannot possibly exist on earth so could it possibly have been Jesus in my dream?
BLAH!!! That sounds so immaculately crazy?! But if it wasn't, who would that man have been or represnted? Not even anyone in a dream could be that perfect?! No man, dream or earthly could possibly love me as much as he did?!
There's a second part to why i think that.
See i have this deep, inner, desperate craving to be touched by Jesus, to see him face to face, in person. To feel his breath on the back of my neck, to feel the texture of his skin when i touch his face, to feel how warm he is when i embrace him, to hear the sound of his sweet, soothing voice.
Soooooooooooo many people have tried desperately to console me by saying, "but alisha, that's why we have the Holy Spirit" and i just can't buy that anymore. i KNOW that i have the Holy Spirit, i FEEL the Holy Spirit inside my heart but there is something so real or perhaps SURREAL about a physical presence that won't satisfy my hunger for it until i can actually put my hands on it. I almost feel like a doubting Thomas - minus the doubting part. I mean, be honest, if you love someone intensely, with a fiery, burning passion and they go away for a LONG time like a year or two, don't you just want to see them? Isn't there something about their absence that the sound of their voice just doesn't seem to satisfy anymore? That's how i feel when it comes to Jesus!!!!
So how does this tie in with the man IN my dreams?
What if this aching to see Jesus in person and this desire not to be single anymore resulted in Jesus showing up in my dream? Not coming back but just giving me a taste of who he is and a reassurance that he knows my inner yearnings and he understands them and that he loves me like a madman?
It truly sounds crazy doesn't it?! And yet it's just this insane thought that i can't seem to shake! Or perhaps i just think and look into things wayyyyyy too much and am desperate not to be single anymore!
ho-hum...i needa read my previous blog again.....
Tink xoxo
Since dreaming of this completely mythical creature of the night, I blogged about him on myspace and i've blogged about how i should view singleness as a Christian woman. However, I've come up with a completely bizarre and whacked new theory on what this man of my dreams could be.
For those of you who don't have a myspace or prefer to read my blog as a seperate entity, i need to brief you on what happened the other night.
I dreamt of the man of my dreams. That's it basically. But he was everything i want my bf/husband to be. The only setback was that he couldn't possibly EVER exist! And i've always thought that 'the man of my dreams' (who i'd never actually dreamt of until now) was unobtainable because to this day i have too much criteria that he'd have to meet. When my mother tells me that i am 'too picky' about the perfect man, she's extremely correct and sometimes i choose to brush it off and roll my eyes because - it's a pretty hard thing to have to admit!
I'm telling you, this man was PERFECT! He loved me for who i was, every single action, gesture, word i spoke, smile i made - HE LOVED!!!! He loved me with a burning passion and it was if he couldn't get enough of me which is only ONE criteria i have. In this dream it was as if he couldn't bear the thought of being apart from me.
But the way we met was so natural and he wasn't sleazy OR trying to hook up with me(not that that happens often but you know what i mean). He wasn't insincere about being interested in me and the attraction between both of us was completely mutual. He was everything i ever wanted and i was everything he ever wanted.
Oh...honestly, words cannot describe how wonderful this man was?! No matter how many colourful words and images i write here, you will never understand just how amazing he was, which is a shame coz i wish you really could understand that!
Anyway, the dream ended as they always do and, as i closed my eyes and stuffed a pillow over my head trying to block out the harsh reality of waking up, that sinking gut feeling of 'why did i have to wake up' was iminant.
I went through that whole day desperately wanting to see that man again and then slapping myself to remind me that it was a dream and not reality. Even now, there are still things that remind me of him and my heart bleeds and aches just to catch one more glimpse of my true love who doesn't even exist! For goodness sake, i went to bed last nite desperately hoping to see him in that same place where i met him! I woke up realising he didn't meet me.
Now, for any guys who read this i know, it's mush! But the thing that's been haunting me about this dream is that this man cannot possibly exist on earth so could it possibly have been Jesus in my dream?
BLAH!!! That sounds so immaculately crazy?! But if it wasn't, who would that man have been or represnted? Not even anyone in a dream could be that perfect?! No man, dream or earthly could possibly love me as much as he did?!
There's a second part to why i think that.
See i have this deep, inner, desperate craving to be touched by Jesus, to see him face to face, in person. To feel his breath on the back of my neck, to feel the texture of his skin when i touch his face, to feel how warm he is when i embrace him, to hear the sound of his sweet, soothing voice.
Soooooooooooo many people have tried desperately to console me by saying, "but alisha, that's why we have the Holy Spirit" and i just can't buy that anymore. i KNOW that i have the Holy Spirit, i FEEL the Holy Spirit inside my heart but there is something so real or perhaps SURREAL about a physical presence that won't satisfy my hunger for it until i can actually put my hands on it. I almost feel like a doubting Thomas - minus the doubting part. I mean, be honest, if you love someone intensely, with a fiery, burning passion and they go away for a LONG time like a year or two, don't you just want to see them? Isn't there something about their absence that the sound of their voice just doesn't seem to satisfy anymore? That's how i feel when it comes to Jesus!!!!
So how does this tie in with the man IN my dreams?
What if this aching to see Jesus in person and this desire not to be single anymore resulted in Jesus showing up in my dream? Not coming back but just giving me a taste of who he is and a reassurance that he knows my inner yearnings and he understands them and that he loves me like a madman?
It truly sounds crazy doesn't it?! And yet it's just this insane thought that i can't seem to shake! Or perhaps i just think and look into things wayyyyyy too much and am desperate not to be single anymore!
ho-hum...i needa read my previous blog again.....
Tink xoxo
posted by Unknown at
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
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