Stupid Empathy

Yesterday, when i was on the train, this guy got on at Redfern station.  At first, i thought he was sorta weird looking, and felt a stupid panic, thinking he was going to be violent.  I'm pretty sure i have a phobia of violence.

But on closer inspection of his face, i noticed that someone had beat him in the head.  His eyes were all bloodshot and his left eye was swollen and had a big gash just above his eyebrow.

My feelings of panic subsided and were replaced by this overwhelming feeling of horror or actually, it was more of heartbreak for him.  He just looked so physically and emotionally hurting....

Obviously i don't know who started the fight.  Maybe he punched the living daylights out of someone, maybe he started the fight or maybe someone jumped him or they might've started it themselves.

But whether he was the good guy or whether he was the bad guy, who knew how badly he'd been boxed.  It was obviously bad enough to make  him bleed inside AND out!I desperately wanted to offer him my seat, because he most certainly should've been sitting down at any rate!  It's basic first aid for someone who is concussed to sit down.  haha....i also wanted to give him an ice pack to put on his head to reduce the swelling but yea.....i didn't have one of those in my pocket.

So i spent the rest of my trip, very unsettled and uneasy, constantly trying to catch his eye, he wouldn't look at me though.  At one point I thought he was going to pass out.

Occasionally he'd look at me and wonder what the heck i was looking at (well that was the impression i got) but in those split moments, i'd get too insecure to actually make any sort of indication he could come and sit there.

As i've already said, it made for a very awkward and unsettling trip.  In fact, on numerous occaions, i prayed quite earnestly to God that he'd give me the oppotunity to offer my seat.  Think he was busy that day!  But in the end, when i actually DID get off the train, they guy didn't even take my empty seat.  So all that worrying about him for nothing. ha!

Anyways, sometimes, when people are quite visibly hurting, it makes me sad for them.  I think what bothered me the most was not even his physical injuries but the more i studied him, the more evident it was that all he wanted to do was cry.  Gosh, men are so dumb.  I don't know why they feel compelled to hold it all in and be mucho etc.  It was sad that he didn't feel he could just cry.