O Great God Who Chooses Me

Sunday night was the end of 'Candidates Weekend' and if you're not a Salvo, you won't know what that means.

So Candidates weekend is a time when people that feel God has called them to be ministers (Officers) in The Salvation Army reaffirm that calling, pray about it, talk about it - all that sort of thing and it's also a time where people can offer their service to God in whatever way, shape or form that might take. So basically it's a time where people recognise what God is calling them do in their lives and act upon it. That's my interpretation of it anyway!

So on Sunday night it was all about what you're doing for Jesus pretty much and if you're not doing anything, what is he asking you to do, what are your skills, gifts and abilities?

Paula, a lady on the panel, reminded me that we are all ministers of the gospel of Jesus Christ - something i like to hold close to my heart but that i realised I'd lost sight of. It was a good reminder!

I shared about my camp experience, which didn't go so well, and all the things that God had called ME to.

At the end of the service, we sang 'In Christ Alone' which was so amazing considering it was a song we'd sing alot at camp, but it made me want to be back there and I've been having a down kind of week because the photos that i look at which are pinned up on my cupboard seem so surreal now. I almost sometimes wonder where these memories came from.

When i first went to camp, three months seemed like such a long time and now i don't know where it went! I don't understand how it can seem like such a tiny fragment out of my life because camp and the people there mean so much to me and i never want to lose that memory or have it become so insignificant.

Anyway, that's beside the point (i'm great at doing that!). The main reason for my blog is a prayer that Emma shared with us at the end and i liked it so much that I just wanna blog it! I particularly LOVE the first stanza!

I hope you enjoy it like i did!

O Great God Who Chooses Me

O great God who chooses me
Who calls to me and picks me
Who looks past all of the things that others see
Those things that cause them to pass me by

O great God who chooses me
Who calls to me and picks me
Even when I am running from you
Even when I am hiding from you
Even when I don't want to be foud

O Great God who chooses me
Who calls to me and picks me
Even after I have turned away yet again
Who comes to me after I have messed up yet again


O great God who chooses me
Even after i have chosen my will over yours. (wow, this lesson i learnt at camp!!!)

O Great God who chooses me
Who calls to me and picks me
I lift my heart and my hands to you
I come offering who I am to you
And asking you to take this small gift
Take these few loaves and fishes
And break me
Use me to feed and to clothe
And to love

I come knowing full well that I will still run sometimes
Knowing in my heart of hearts that I am not strong enough
Or patient enough
Or brave enough
Or confident enough
To continue to go where you are leading
But knowing that - beyond all reason -
You are the great God who chooses me
Who calls to me and picks me
And right now, in this moment
I lift my life to you in worship and in praise

O great God who chooses me
Who calls to me and picks me
Today I choose you.

I've been explaining this to quite a few people and, now that i come to think of it, never really believed it until now.

I don't even know where to begin with this!!! So I'll start from before camp started.

Before i went to the most beautiful Camp Del Oro and well before I'd even heard of the place, I'd been praying to God that he would give me opportunities to a. lead worship at my church and b. an opportunity to preach.

In some ways, I don't know why i asked God for that because it wasn't like i NEEDED those opportunities but i just, for some reason, felt like asking God for them.

In the few weeks leading up to my departure from my country, i found myself so frustrated at God, so frustrated at my church, so frustrated at anything Christian in general that I was just glad to leave it all behind me!

I got to camp and realised it was going to be an interesting three months of people being in my face, wanting to happy snap me! Now, if you know me well, you might know that the only photos of me that i like are the ones i take and only a handful of people can take good ones that i don't hate! My first encounter of that i remember well, was during the only hike i completed all the way through. We'd stopped for a break and they wanted a group happy snap, except i wasn't so HAPPY about it! It was during that first week of orientation that it dawned on me that photos would have to become second nature - yea right!

I've never been really good at accepting myself for what i look like. I'm my worst critic and it works well for me because the rejection and disgust i get from others doesn't seem so bad when i've already dealt myself the blow in the first place! *sighs* Why does one reason with oneself!

Now that I'm back in my own country, and even during my time in America, the environment i was in seems so surreal. Everything seemed so natural.

I realised that all the requests I'd made to God about having opportunities, were answered during my time at camp, proving that God's timing is perfect. That nothing is by chance or coincidence. God weaves his timing so mysteriously but yet so perfectly! I thought i was praying for those opportunities to be in my own church but God saw that there was a much better plan and he answered both of my prayers at teen camp! Things like playing El Es Senor in SYB and then playing them at camp, or Joel telling me to listen to Paramore (which i wished i did) and then being assigned a Paramore song to perform at music camp, as well as so many more 'coincidences'. They're just NOT coincidence!

My revelation though, was more about a safe environment though and i realised it about a week ago when i was talking to Rachel but when Emma preached on Sunday night, this safe environment of camp was so much more clear. Even God's perfect timing and his reason for all things was made clearer to me. She spoke about love and what it means to love whole-heartedly. She spoke about when Jesus washed his disciples feet. My heart skipped a beat because i KNEW God was ministering to my heart as it was something we did at CPR at camp! I also knew that i wanted to whole-heartedly love every single person in that room and didn't just WANT to do it but i knew i DID love my church family, every single one of them. I don't know why God spoke to me through that message but perhaps it's because there's a post-camp healing process that needs to happen. I'm just guessing!

So why else is the safe environment of camp important to me? Because it's something we rarely experience in everday life but yet something that should be experienced EVERYDAY!

We live in a harsh and cruel world. A cynical and judging world where even the smallest thing is possibly frowned upon. There's no room for mistakes, no room to discover who we really are and yet ALWAYS being told to find our feet, act ourselves and not like the people around us, to make up our own mind and not be swayed by the majority.

I'm not too sure anyone can EASILY find themselves in a world such as that and yet that's the world we live in, that's where it's all meant to happen.

Camp (just that word takes pressure off my heart) is different, camp is the 'not real' world but in essence it's exactly the way life was meant to be.

WHY???

Because at camp you can get up in front of a group of people and speak God's message into their hearts. You don't need to have the 'right' words because God will give them to you but heck, you don't even need to say it in a particular way, you don't need to phrase things any different than you would a conversation! If you forget where you're up to, laugh and get on with it. Camp is not a formal place, joking around is ok. People love you and respect you, not just fellow counsellors but all the 'big famous people'. You're encouraged constantly, you're loved limitlessly, there are no favourites, no-one scouts people out to 'nuture'. EVERY SINGLE PERSON IS NURTURED. The value of each individual is priceless. Your heart is what people are interested in. Not whether you're attractive, fat or skinny, not whether you're talented or untalented, not whether you annoying or undeniably adorable (Precious!) but because of who God thinks you are. There are no harsh words said to you, only that which is encouraging and uplifting! Sounds biblical!!! No-one HAS to know it all, no-one TRIES to know it all but everyone simply declares the word of God at wherever they are in their journey with him! All anyone cares about is making sure everyone has a chance to hear about Jesus, people at camp are living examples of who God is! No-one cares about your surname, no-one judges anything you do, say or even act - heck, the craziness of camp is ... crazy!! You simply cannot live a 'normal' life at camp! There's no room at camp to put yourself down, there's no room perfection, just imperfection! No-one is looking at you to see what you're doing wrong, no-one even looks at how good you look or don't look! This environment ALLOWS for mistakes. It's an environment like no other and it's hard to come back to our 'normal' environment as if it was natural!

I mean things here, in life, are just not SAFE, we don't live in the above environment and so we shrink away from all the good things God has for us. We miss out on opportunities because we're 'not good enough'. The 'capable' people do the 'important' jobs when really, we're all capable and we all have GREAT news to share with ANYONE who we come in contact with!

I have sometimes contemplated what life would be like if it were all of the above, all of the time! How different would that make us?

WOW.....and on that note, this is a long blog and i have no idea where i was up to!

Alisha xoxo