Yesterday when we were all cleaning out camp, one of the chapel songs that the kids sing was going through my head and one of the lines was:
"I just wanna praise you, yea yea yea"
But at the time i was listening to a Hillsong CD, cleaning out a kitchen and sweating half to death! But one of the lyrics was:
"All i need is you, Jesus"
Then i thought of Love That, a Salvo conference that happens this weekend every year in Sydney. I thought about how i was missing out but yet how it didn't really bother me.
I listened to Hillsong play and thought about the hype that Love That would experience but yet in my own dirty, cleaning world right here at CDO i was also in a 'hype', cleaning camp.
It brought a smile to my face because at that moment, all i wanted to do was praise God, all i needed was Jesus at that moment, even cleaning out a filthy kitchen!
But first let me share with you how my night ended last night.
After i got to kiss all my girls on the forehead goodnight (wow, my heart was tickled) i was able to spend the night with my close friends and it was a night i will never forget, ever?! Being able to talk with Justin and Jorden at 2am in the morning was something i NEVER in a million years thought would happen at the start of camp. i NEVER thought i would get to talk with Megan under moonlight early in the morning, something i will treasure in my heart forever and i NEVER thought i'd be talking to two of the most top brotha's!
Obviously camp is now over and people are starting to dwindle away but this afternoon was clean-up time and it was hectic! I seriously have never drank so much water in my whole life nor have i enjoyed sweating or becoming as dirty as i did today?!
Everything was over, camp was clean and Colleen and Bob said their goodbyes and dismissed us, i mean i held it together well and only shed one or two tears, it was sad but i was ok with it, it had to happen!
But what was rough was seeing people disappear. I held it together all day but as soon as i saw a couple of people cry my heart melted. It's even making me feel teary now - i think i'm a lost cause now, i can't stop crying at the drop of a hat - it's really sucking and i really need to put everything behind me and just go home!
The worst thing is that i haven't even said goodbye to my closest friends yet! I'm just going to be a blubbering mess and that sucks more!
Sarah tried to tell me about her first time at camp and about never seeing Liz again but the truth is i just can't see myself being back here.
I've LOVED this summer and i wouldn't change a thing, it's been a life-changing experience and i don't just say that flippantly, it's really had a ginormous impact on my life!
But this place is not an environment you would normally find me in and so being here has pushed me out of my comfort zone and i've loved every second of it but coming back might not be something that happens and so i really AM considering leaving all my friends here as something that's never going to happen again.
So tonight as we go out for dinner, i'm just going to forget that time is almost up and just TRY and enjoy myself!
So this is my last night of camp - last night of summer camps. The end has come and tomorrow is clean up day so it doesn't really count. I know it probably won't hit me until i'm being driven out of camp on Monday morning, heading back to my forsaken and mundane life.
I think last thursday's drama of tears will last me until i leave. Even saying goodbye to Blake and Nicole and Chelsea and Sahara didn't bring me to tears. Sure, it made me so extremely sad and hurting inside to say goodbye but there were no tears.
And thus, this is my last camp blog.
I'd like to go backwards coz, as my memory is failing me these days, i might remember it better that way.
So right now, i'm sitting in the staff lounge, a place i've lovingly come to appreciate for daily breaks, teen camp meals, internet access (praise God!) and CPR, otherwise known as staff devo's. I'm here at 11:28pm on my last night of camp because ALL the kids are asleep on the field and the counsellors are working in shifts to 'watch' them. Lucky for me my shift is with two of the greatest people at camp and also because we're the first shift off the bat, 12:00am - 1:00am.
Just for some background info, teen camp this week was cancelled due to lack of interest! tehehe....it's actually not a laughing matter because i was looking forward to not only Jeff's great cooking but also to spending one last week with the teens, impacting their life and being a vessel for God. As a result of this, teen staff were assigned to discovery camp to co-counsel and i'm going to be brutally honest, especially if any staff read this, but i just a. don't like discovery all that much and b. don't enjoy co-counselling! It's been the longest, toughest week of my summer, I don't know if that's because i'm not good with little kids (Priscilla, you know what i'm saying, right, right???) or just can't hack so much rest or just don't get along with hills - i don't know! It just hasn't been a good week. I guess being so psyched up for teen camp and not being there hasn't helped either!
I am co-counselling with a girl called Serena and seriously, she has the most adorable girls of the whole camp! Now as much as i haven't particularly enjoyed this week, these girls are so incredibly smart and extremely cute, i just wanna take them all home and keep them.
Because discovery camp is so much younger than teen camp and because i have been assigned to a 'lower girls' cabin, which means younger girls, i have had the opportunity to cuddle girls and hold their hands, allowing them to scoot over and lean up against you when they get tired at campfire - that has been the rewarding part of the week and when they sidle up next to you in attention of your love and affection, it makes your heart melt. At rest time they want to bring their sleeping bags close to you so they can rest right next to your head. Children are so precious. Having said that, i am not good with children, it just makes the ride a little easier!
Wednesday night campfire was 'hecka' fun. The theme was Olympics, so obviously all the games were Olympic related. All the internationals were dressed in their colours and flags, including their American cabin, ha! I thought i could get away with just being dressed in Aussie gear (people just won't believe me that our colours aren't red, white and blue but are in fact green and gold!) but no, that wasn't good enough, i was chosen as the counsellor to participate in the last game of the night - a bloomin' marathon!!!!!!!!!!
So much to Serenas cabins delight, i chose to accept the freaking challenge. The one game i get chosen to do, and it's a marathon - what the heck?! I sure as heck don't look sporty that's for sure, so why?! Sometimes i think people just like to torment me, ha?!
What i had to do was compete against 3 other ATHLETIC counsellors to: a. run across the dried up creek which consisted of stones and rocks. b. adorn myself with a sweater that was too small for me anyways. c. RUN to a bicycle which i can't even ride?! And not just any bike but the last person there had to claim the last bike which was the pink one with training wheels that weren't in fact on there and pretty ribbons on the handle bars?! d. collect a survivor-looking tribal pole. e. RUN with the pole AROUND the campfire, like a freakin' indian f. plant your pole in the woodchips. g. bob for the apple in the yogurt-chilli sauce-whipped cream filled bowl
Yea well you know what?! I did it! I came in at last place (mainly because there were only 4 sweaters and i spent about 5 minutes looking for it in the pitch dark) and bobbed for my stupid apple, smearing cream etc all over my face (a VERY bad taste!).
I WON GOLD!
Because apparently everyone else cheated and i was the only one who went AROUND the campfire like a freakin' indian! So i won gold, came in at 1st place like a true blue australian! I always knew other countries couldn't play the game straight, eh?!
It was a rip and i am sorry to all the other counsellors that played even though i TOLD them to let me win (serves 'em right for not listening!). But thanks to Jorden, our girls loved it! They were raving about my 'win'. Even though i knew i didn't actually deserve that 'gold', it was the greatest thing that happened for them that night!
I guess what made MY night was being asked to be in the devo skit they did, as simple as it was! I was honoured to even be asked! God has allowed me so many opportunity to serve him this summer, he's allowed me the opportunity to witness to people, he's used me as a vessel in all my strong areas and as a result God has used me to my FULL capacity this summer - something i'm afraid to lose going home!
A question one of the girls asked me after seeing me sweat profusely was, 'Can you teach me how to sweat?' as though i could just turn my sweat on and off at will! Kids! lol.....
Anyway this week made me realise that the teens that i've been witnessing to all summer and that have, at times, tested my patience, once had no barriers. They were once little kids too. Adorable, funny and open and even though they got upset sometimes, they never held it against you!
There were alot of little things like that that i learnt this week, my eyes were opened to who teenagers once were and what the ways of the world does to them as they grow older, something i found so sad but yet at the same time so precious and in need of keeping that so safe.
As much as i'm not a fan of working with kids under 12, they reminded me that my heart needs to stay softened because it's really easy to become like stone when you're dealing with teenagers that just wear you down!
This week coming is my last week of camp. I am now, almost a professional camp counsellor and with only 16 more days of my stay in the USA, saying goodbye to everything i have come to love here is becoming....or has become....extremely difficult.
It's so easy to stir a tear in my eyes. The other day while we were driving out to the Yuba river, there was some hillsong music on and i realised just how hard driving away from camp will be! Just the sheer thought even made me want to cry like a baby!
The friends i have made here are so special to me and when i leave, it's not like they're people i'm going to see anytime soon. They don't just live a couple of blocks or a suburb away - they live in a whole other country!
I was outside after our staff devotions the other night and was watching two friends of mine playing guitar and singing and it was so beautiful to watch and it occured to me that it would be a really long before i could here her singing and watch and be in awe of her amazing voice again. So i stood there for a while just watching, knowing i needed to take it all in to remember it better, to remember THEM better and so that kind of image would stick longer in my thoughts.
That night was emotional for me but what stood out for me was the support these people are to each other and to me. Their love is real, their friendship is real - it's pure, there's nothing fake or put on about it and their care and concern for people is genuine.
Something else that i'm not looking forward to is going home and not having anyone around me who has shared my experience here at Camp Del Oro. How do i relate to anyone? How does anyone understand? Sure, i can show them photos and tell them stories but how can anyone understand? It hurts really deep to leave these precious people.
Already people have begun to disappear and head home and camp this week is already looking different and not the same.
I know we'll have email and facebook and phones and etc etc but to be able to hang out with them, to laugh about camp things, to just let out frustations and joys and to talk with them all the time and be that close - for that to just end is tough!
I know that when i come home, i don't want this all to end and i know that the things i'm doing here need to keep happening - this type of work, sowing God's seed on fertile land instead of on concrete and weedy ground is what God has showed me and wants me to be doing. i don't want to waste my time at home living my life aimlessly when i've seen how much there is to be done here at camp! I'm pretty sure that God has so much to be done in Australia as he has here and that's where i want to be.
So if anyone is still praying for me, maybe pray that my week is not overcome by emotion but rather it's lived to the full and that i take everything in. That i'm not so distracted by going home that it interferes with what needs to be done in this last week of camp for God.
To anyone at camp who's reading this, i love you so much and this whole experience of camp is one that i'll treasure in my heart forever - you've all impacted my life a hecka lot and i won't forget a single one of you! This has been the most amazing 3 months ever!
