No Facebook - Day 47

No Facebook - Day 40

In My Dreams!

I've only ever collapsed once in my life. I remember the day vividly like it was yesterday and i probably remember it so well because it's not something you do everyday!

It was 1996 and I'd just finished the final dress rehearsal for the opening night of the local theatre group's production of 'Peter Pan'. I wasn't feeling well and went outside to see if my dad had arrived to pick me up. I came back inside, all the chairs were lined up neatly for the first performance and it all happened in slow motion, i started to fall. My hands went out in front of me as if i was trying to push everything out of the way for my ungraceful plummet to the ground and i slowly stumbled forward pushing all the chairs askew. It felt a lot like slow motion to me, but i'm sure it happened relatively quickly, following that afternoon i went home and became extremely sick for a couple of days. On the last day I was sick, i recorded the voice over singing for the lead role and i'm sure it was a smash hit! I'm telling you, my best work is done when i am violently ill!

Anyway, the purpose of this story is because last night i dreamt i was becoming unconscious. I don't know why you'd want to read about that but this is more for my own personal records more than your entertainment!

It happened a lot like that day i collapsed. I was sitting down and everything happened in slow motion. I Gradually started slipping into a state of unconsciousness. I knew i was going into that state and so i tried to get up, all woozy, and get into bed (kind of ironic that i already WAS in bed, dreaming i was getting into bed - weird, ha!). It was the weirdest thing to be almost out of it and trying to move around. It's hard enough moving around in a dream at the best of times let alone when you're dreaming of becoming unconscious!

That's pretty much the end. But what do you reckon it means to dream you're becoming unconscious, or does it even mean anything at all??

Feel free to post random discussive comments - that sounds fun!

Peace & Quiet

I've been dealing with a lot of emotional thoughts and feelings of late and every time i go to blog it's always the same topic that i want to write about, mostly stemming from my friendships and so, i wanted to blog but had nothing to blog about, until a friend and i were chatting on Skype about what we'd do once we'd retired, like how mindless it would be and then we started talking about mindless things like knitting to pass the time until we died, coz that's what all oldies do, right?!

For some reason it reminded me of how much i've been wanting to get away camping. Not because camping is necessarily mindless (altho it truly can be if you want it to be, imitating crows for AT LEAST an hour straight for instance!!) but just because camping is peaceful and quiet and nature is so beautiful.

It also reminded me of Camp Del Oro and i began to think about the best time of day at camp. This for me would be late at night when the teens are jumping into bed and you sit around the crackling fire under the stars ORRRR doing cabin watch late at night under THE most brightest moon and ponderosa pine trees - ahhh the tranquility, the magnificent awe of God's artwork - WOW~!!!!

i remember last year (2009) showing Kellie Covert, a counsellor the moon and the light it cast over the trees and the clouds surrounding the moon, showing her how beautiful it was, i didn't wanna be the only one to see it. I wished i could've painted it, it was so pretty!!!

It's bizarre what you read sometimes! The other day i came across a notebook that had some scribbles in it from my time at RYLA (Rotary Youth Leadership Award). I wrote this about some worries i had about doing meditation exercises:

"There is no strength or power that comes from self alone. Inner beauty comes from God alone. Not through meditating on self but rather by meditating on God and his word."

I then quoted these invaluable verses from God's word, the bible:

"Listen to this, Job; stop and consider God's wonders." Job 37:14 (CEV)

"But I have stilled and quieted my soul; like a weaned child with its mother, like a weaned child is my soul within me." Psalm 131:2 (NIV)

And yet a third verse which i will add here because of it's relevance:

"Be still, and know that I am God;" Psalm 46:10 (NIV)

Another favourite time of day for me in my ordinary life, is late at night. I'll sit on my bed in the dark as tho my room were a loft high above the street and i'll overlook the city lights and i'll listen. Some nights it will be loud and noisy and intrusive but there's the odd occasion when everyone is sleeping and the odd bat will screech across the sky but other than that, there's not a sound. In those times i just sit and listen to nothing - it's such peaceful silence!

Listening to silence puts at bay the things i worry about, my friendships, my finances, my work, my life-plans, all the crazy things that hurts my brain, bogs me down and makes me want to cry. Peace and quiet is reflective and allows me the chance to rest, puts my mind at ease and i can choose to focus on nothing in particular, becoming mindless or i can be still and focus on God - the latter being more important to me.

A Peace of Prayer

It's no big secret that I haven't been attending a church on a regular basis for just under a year now. However, that doesn't mean i am a bad christian, it doesn't even mean my faith is shaky or that i am less interested in God. It just means that i haven't felt led to go to any one particular church!

So for the past three weeks now, i've been attending a church near my house that, i have to admit, i've been going to on and off for about 3 years anyway and surprisingly, it's been really good.

Sometimes the pastor there can be a bit all over the place and he has some weird ideas and so the last sunday i went there, i wasn't expecting anything too challenging, my heart wasn't even in the right place. But i went along nonetheless! There's something about the atmosphere there, the people, that draws me in, the different nationalities definitely. Sometimes, i find myself just watching how different people are and how they all interact differently with each other, the oldies, the newbies - it's fascinating coz it reminds me of how brilliant God is!

The sermon blew me away! It actually caught me off-guard because i wasn't expecting anything much, definitely not something that pulled at my heartstrings anyway!!!

The Pastor talked about prayer and instantly i tuned in because prayer is my favourite part of my relationship with God, coz i can actually talk to him. I think i tuned in because i wanted to know just how fine-tuned my prayer life actually was! He also talked about forgiveness. These were two huge topics for me and what's more, is that they applied to things i was dealing with at the time!

I've always thought i knew exactly what forgiveness was and i actually thought i'd mastered it to some extent. But I really haven't, which i kinda knew but just denied.

The Pastor said that forgiveness is forgetting the sin once it's been dealt with. That blew me outta the water. I always thought that forgiveness was something you did for someone else. But that's wrong. Forgiveness is my own responsibility. Holding a grudge or bringing it up again, isn't forgiving someone. Making someone feel bad for what they've done is also not forgiveness. Letting something go and 'forgetting' that sin, is forgiveness. It doesn't mean that the memory is erased, and there's sure to be scars left in some circumstances but letting go of the actual sin, is up to us. When God forgives us, he throws that sin into the sea of forgetfulness, he doesn't hold it over us and that's what i need to learn to do for people i need to forgive - no grudges, even if that means i am always the one to submit.

He also talked about prayer. Prayer is my favourite part of Christianity, in fact, it's an integral part of my faith. But sometimes i get so caught up with what is on my 'list' that i feel like a broken record. Sometimes i feel unheard, which i know isn't true but when i can't see the results or lack the answers, something has to give!

It works both ways, i know! I definitely have to put more effort into getting to know God's word, the bible but i also need to let God be in control of my requests! The Pastor shared two verses of scripture, the second one is one of my favourite verses in the bible:

^"14We are certain that God will hear our prayers when we ask for what pleases him. ¹⁵And if we know that God listens when we pray, we are sure that our prayers have already been answered."

1 John 5:14-15 (CEV)

⁶Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. ⁷And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 4:6-7

We don't need to have a list. One prayer is enough. I need to rest assured that God has heard my prayer and will or has dealt with it. Once i hand it over to God i should have a peace within my spirit that a. it's been heard and b. God will answer the prayers of my heart.

Upon leaving the church that night, i knew God had spoken truth into my heart, it wasn't just some words the Pastor put together but God had used him to clarify some things. It made me a little emotional knowing I'd been spoken to by God, directly into my circumstance too! i know that he hears all the things i talk to him about, he knows the worries i have and the things that i don't understand. My prayers don't fall on deaf ears. Trusting the bible, his word, will ensure i receive that unfathomable peace in my heart.

Crazy and pretty in ya face what God will share with you when you don't even think he's gonna say anything!