Got a quirky habit? I do and it's one I thought i'd grow out of but apparently not.
Last night, I woke up sitting at my computer realising I'd jumped out of bed, scared at my wits ends thinking a snake had slithered out from under my pillow.
Even being really groggy and starting to wake up, I just sat looking at my bed too scared to get back in it and go to sleep.
After a few more moments of waking up and understanding what was going on, I reluctantly crawled back under the covers and went back to sleep.
My condition is somnambulism - aka Sleep Walking. Most people experience it sometime in their life but how come it never leaves me?
I have to admit, it only happens when i'm deeply asleep and it doesn't happen as often as it used to when i was a kid coz i keep my door closed now. It wakes me up trying to turn the doorhandle and when i wake up i'm always trying to escape from something.
It's crazy, crazy!!
I remember my parents telling stories about when they found me sitting at the piano trying to play it with the lid down.
And another time when I'd put on my school clothes and had my bags and was going out the front door. My dad asked me where i was going and i told him to school. hahaha....
Ah, memories. We all have our sleep walking stories. When I lived in Lakemba I'd wake up finding myself standing in front of my balcony window just staring out into nothingness and wondering what i was doing when i started waking up.
My dad says our brains are such incredible, complex things. I think he's right.
Tink xoxo
PS: Anyone wanna go camping? Some people live for this, a spare weekend and they're outta there!
It's that time of the year when i have my annual dose of influenza. I dunno how long this is going to last, hopefully not long but i feel rotten!
Ya know how your whole body is so week you can hardly keep ya head up? Well that is me. I'm so sick that going up and down the stairs even just once makes my chest feel about to be drowned in mucus and cave in haha...
Today i walked about 500 metres and within seconds i was huffing and puffing, sweating like it was going out of fashion and feeling so contagious i thought people in Japan could catch it!
I felt so infectious that i even bought anti-bacterial wipes and i'm not usually one to care about germs to that extent!
So what i have done in an effort to cure myself?
Well on the first day of my influenza, commonly known as the flu, i had popped SEVENTEEN PILLS!!!!!
I'm going a little bit easier on the drugs now, i only pop 12 but still, it's not pleasant. On top of that i now carry around a tissue box to comfort others by not sniffing and i pig out on vicks blue drops - which i must say, clear the nose amazingly!!!!! Although, there is only so many of those i can take without feeling sweetly sickened!
And today i broke a tooth! How exciting! Although i can just imagine what the dental bills will be like, eh?!
Today i have been looking through several old home videos and putting them on DVD. Ahhhh the memories of 'the nun's revenge', last day of school, bungee rocket, Seven Nightly News, Science Effects and various Video Hits from '98. They were the days! Still so many more to go!!!
So that's my weekend in a nutshell, the other downside to having influenza meant that i missed out on ice skating which is pretty much my favourite youth group activity! Not to worry, i'm sure winter will come around again fast enough, if not, i'll just have to organise with some friends to go ice skating - anyone wanna come?
After being inspired by Dina to go back and read some good quality blogs, it's come to my attention that i never just blog about random stuff or just for the sake of blogging anymore.
I wanna get back in touch with reality and start being more of a silly blogger. Blogs with relevant meat. The blogs people prefer to read.
So in the process of re-reading some old blogs i came across all sorts of humourous things. I was particularly interested in what i was writing a year ago this month. It was SOOOOOOOO interersting!
I was also interested to read that i started this lovely blogspot in July 2005. I was amazed at how long i've been blogging and i must say, it's been on a fairly regular basis!
So anyway, just be prepared to read more about what's happening in my life on a day-to-day basis, funny things, sad thing, happy things, downright silly things!
The last couple of days have forced me into thinking about my physical relationship with God or the lack thereof.
I realised that it's a 'long distance' relationship and i realised that it actually works! When i think of me and God i always see it as the most incredibly romantic love affair EVER. But i've been thinking, what about guys? How can they see it as a romantic love affair? Well they can't and i guess for them, it's not that kind of a relationship, it's more of a deep friendship sort of love - i think.
But anyway, for the sake of this blog, my relationship with God is all of the above, so back to it.
I got to thinking that alot of people don't think that long distance relationships work and i came to the conclusion that they do, right there and then because i started thinking about my relationship with God and what makes it so incredible and real.
I started thinking about why my whole inner being aches for my God in his physical sense - Jesus. Nothing would satisfy me more or COMPLETE me more than to have Jesus physical embrace wrapped around me, which is something i'm sure i've blogged before. But you know why? Because his love is unconditional, kind of like the way my dog loves me except in the human being way, ya get me? To be with him and to feel his touch and embrace in person, in the flesh would be mind-blowing, something i'd find immensely hard to ever detach myself from. I couldn't think of any other place i'd rather be than in that moment. All else would seem unimportant. I wouldn't want to be anywhere but there, i'd want to be his shadow! And the grandest thing of all is that i'd know he wouldn't want to be anywhere else as well, that being together was what both of us wanted. To be wanted and needed, to have a friend IN THE FLESH whose company we both loved to be in. He'd never tire of me no matter how boring, how annoying, how immature, how stupid, how whatever i'd become - even how horrible or undesirable i was he'd still want to hang out with me! ME!
I don't know what i must've been thinking about but i started to think of people that are close to you, the ones that if they died, you'd be devastated or if they were gone for a long time, you'd notice their presence, the hole in your life they'd make.
It made me think of how much Jesus meant to me and how unexplainable his worth is to me. Sure, i just TRIED to explain it, but it goes much MUCH deeper than that!
So i tried to think of a better way to explain it and that's what made me think of it as a long distance relationship - i tried to encapsulate the pain i feel without the 'physicalness' of Jesus, man how i envy those disciples!!!!
So here's what i came up with....
Imagine someone close to you like you're mum or dad or best friend, husband or wife, boyfriend, girlfriend or sister or brother - someone you love deeply and have grown up having them around.
Then for some bizarre reason, they have to go away, live on another planet maybe or somewhere far away. Unlike Jesus, they tell you that they're never coming back.
The only means of communication you have with them is mail, emails, internet, telephones, mobiles/cells, any other form of communication EXCEPT in person, no pictures, no camera's only voice and written. People with long-lost relatives POSSIBLY (and i stress that word!) know what i mean.
You have to live the rest of your life that way - never to see them again. How would you feel? What do you think the agony would be like? Long distance relationship??? I think so.
That's the kind of pain that runs deep within my bones. Although i know and am eagerly awaiting the return of my Saviour. But until that time, this aching is almost unquenchable and the more days i spend on earth, the heavier the burden seems to be and i say 'burden' because how else can you describe something that reduces you to tears whenever you let your guard slip and allow yourself to think about it?
I cast all my cares upon you I lay all of my burdens down at your feet And anytime, I don't know what to do I will cast all my cares upon you.
YES! i know he lives in my heart, that's the beauty of the Holy Spirit and through him i can communicate with my Lord, i can be as close to him as possible INSTANTLY, i can talk to him and he can talk back to me but there is something so intimate that can't be expressed merely through words.
Automatically i am putting limits on what the Holy Spirit can do and i hate doing that. But so far i am yet to experience anything different. I keep praying desperately that i feel a physical embrace and how amazing it would be to finally or ever experience that. But it's something that i haven't experienced and i long and pray for it whole-heartedly.
There are days when i just PRAY that Jesus would return already because to be reunited with him is ULTIMATE! But i know that's in God's timing and until then, i have to sit tight and persevere in leading other people into this amazing relationship. I pray they don't have to carry this burden i seem to have but if they do, then so be it - i'd much rather know this deep love and burn with the aching and desire to physically embrace Jesus then not know of God's love at all. IMAGINE! What could it possibly be like to EMBRACE JESUS!!!!! What things would be healed, made right, restored, made at peace etc etc......i can't even possibly BEGIN to imagine it, it's overwhelming to think, almost as unfathomable as heaven itself! It's a burden i am ecstatic to have but one which rips me apart inside. Just when i think i handle it well, it burns hotter and deeper than i ever thought possible, like a double-edged sword slicing me open. The absence of his physical presence makes my insides feel red raw, my whole inner self groans and crys out because to have but not to have is torture.
WOW....rant on....sorry....
I know no-one will understand the pain i feel and perhaps to blog it is just a way of releasing my hidden anguish but i know God understands it, he sees what others don't and perhaps, no, in fact i KNOW that's what keeps me driven and motivated, it keeps me alive - i WANT other people to know this incredible love. People aren't worthless, they are created by God with INTENTION - they are LOVED with vigour, so compassionately, flawlessly, unconditionally! They are HIS creation, HIS children. His strength, his comfort, the Holy Spirit i have, his LOVE keeps me going and is all i need!
