Tribute from Grandad's Doll

I've wanted to blog this for a while now...but just have been nervous about blogging it and unsure of myself. But I've come to the point where I can't help but put it down on paper....well computer anyway.

This weekend (i think) or this month at least marks the 10th year anniversary of my Grandad passing away.

I kinda feel sad when i think too much about it so i try not to think about it too much. I guess i loved my Grandad a lot and he meant alot to me. This could be a long blog but hey.

When my Grandad died i think a part of me died with him, it sure felt that way anyway. I've never really told anyone what i'm about to say so i guess here is as good a place as anywhere and i guess i don't really mind. My Grandad inspired me to write about things...he used to write a lot of stories when i was growing up, fairytales and he'd use my name and my counsins names in his stories. They were always fun to read, it was a great personal touch. So when i started high school i started writing stories, i wanted to be just like him. In year 7 i wrote a novel...hehehe, well not really but it was sooooo long. My english teacher (who i was in love with at the time) was so encouraging both with my creative writing and my singing. Anyway, he loved my story so much that he drew the most amazing picture to go with it which i still have. I showed my Grandad the story i wrote and he was most impressed, although he did scoff at the trashy romance that was included as part of the story line but overall he liked it. The next writing i wrote and showed him was a poem which was about being in the gully down at the bottom of the paddocks on his farm. He liked that too. I wrote lots of stories at school and when i was in year 11 my english teacher apparently told my mum had i thought of considering studying creative writing at uni in wollongong, something to do with becoming an author. My mum said no because i didn't want to go to uni. My Grandad died when i was in year 10 - 3 months before my 16th birthday. I've only written two poems and no stories since he died. It was a part of me that died when he did. I had no-one who loved them as much as he did, no-one to show them to who would appreciate them as much, so I stopped writing anything.

I remember good stories about my grandad, good stories about the farm and growing up with him. I remember eating the lollie bananas and the furry friends chocolates before we went to bed at nite. They were Grandad's bedtime goodies. I remember rubbing up against his five o'clock stuble before kissing him goodnite or kissing him hello.

I remember how i loved one of his horses called susie....he used to call me susie pink-pants because i had a pair of spandex pink pants that i wore religiously.

I remember going out burning fireweed.....i remember going out into the paddocks to throw hay out to the cows and jumping up onto the landrover and sliding up on my knees, but because it was made of wood i managed to get a splinter in my knee. That night before bed, i was in tears because my knee was sore and pussy and bleeding and i was only in year 5 so mum and my nanna had me up on the kitchen table looking at my knee....they were arguing over what to do and it made me cry more. Grandad told them to "shush" and stroked my face saying (in a soothing voice) "it's ok, don't cry, you'll be alright sweety" he made it feel like i was going to be ok and not die.......i ended up having it cut out and getting stitches. I still have the 4 cm splinter in a specimen jar.

I remember helping him paint a fence brown next to his old office shed, the one he used to mark our height in. He liked to dress me up. Once he dressed me up as a hoola Hawaiian girl and another time he dressed me up as a man and took photos, joking with me that we could send the photos to my parents and they wouldn't know who the strange "man" in the photos were. So i really do look like a man!!!!! lol.....who woulda thought Grandad was into cross-dressing?! lol....

What i will never forget is how he used to play his piano accordian, i loved it. He was always so interested in me. He loved me i suppose. I only remember getting in trouble from him once and that was because i had shoes on inside and was laying on my bed with shoes on! He mostly looked out for me when no-one else would. He always defended me. There are times in my life when i wonder if he was the only one who ever loved me especially so unconditionally.

The only thing i don't understand is why he had nothing better to live for? The first time he nearly died he scolded my nanna saying he just wanted to die rather than go through heart surgery or something again. I'm not sure but i think my nanna had an option of saving his life the second time but because of his wishes she let him die in peace. She's a good lady....

Sometimes i get hurt by that though. Why couldn't he have just kept going like a trooper? Wasn't his family enough to live for? Wans't i enough to live for? I guess not. He was a God fearing man so i guess the chioce to stay here with me or the choice to go to heaven and be with God wasn't really a tough one. I know it wouldn't be tough for me....hehehe.....i get sad because he missed seeing me turn 16, he missed seeing me finish school. He missed my 21st and he's going to miss my wedding. Thinking of still having him around to hug and the rest of it makes me a bit teary at times.

His funeral was probably the most saddest day of my life so far, never cried so much in my whole life. Before the service i remember sitting out on the top hill, looking out over the paddocks which he once called his farm wondering how anything could ever be the same. There were birds flying in the sky and it was the most beautiful day. I remember struggling to play duke street or was it deep harmony?? meh, number 16....whichever one that is. i didn't want to cry but i couldn't help it and that made it difficult to play my instrument. Some of my other cousins didn't go....but i made sure i was at the funeral and to this day i'm glad i went. i would never have forgiven myself if i'd have not gone.
I cried myself to sleep for a whole month straight
after, something i won't ever forget, i didn't want to keep on going with everyday mundane things but as you know, i did, i'm here and i kept going and i will be forever grateful for the love my Grandad had for me and i will always love him much more in return. As crazy as it sounds, i always find myself asking God to tell him how much i still love him and how much i still miss him. i can't wait til i get to see him again when Jesus comes again.

Anyway i guess this blog is in memory and a tribute to the greatest Grandad i've ever known!!! Thanks God for giving him to me for a Grandad....he was the best!!!

With much love
Grandad's lil doll....
(Tink xoxo)

The Infamous Oblina (Costume)

After kicking up a stink, making a fuss and saying that no-one took my photo at my bro's 21st, my mum got someone to stand in the paper mache costume the next day (presumably my father) to make it look as though it was me.

Let me point out a few things.

My mum did suggest doing that the night before and i detested it saying no because it wasn't a very authentic thing to do. However she still went ahead with it. How do i know?

Well you will notice that this picture is taken in broad daylight. I am never at my parents house in broad daylight. So this photo was obviously taken the next day.

The other key point is that before leaving the party (ie. my parents house) i checked through my bro's camera and my parents camera and noticed no-one had taken a photo. So i knowwww it wasn't me.

However, this is the costume that i made. I was only in it for about 10 minutes at the party because the chicken wire on the inside kept digging into me cutting me all up. If i'd have put more thought and time into it (instead of one week) i would've put padding on the inside to shield me from the wire. I bare all the scratches from it now but at the time it was painful and i needed two people to get me out of it because every time i lifted it, my clothes went with it. If i come in contact with anyone with an authentic photo i'll be sure to post it here. But for now, you'll have to make do with these "day-after" photos for those who weren't at the party!

(The tip of the black part of the eyeballs are supposed to be at the top not sideways!!!)

Fame and Craziness

After reading over my last post, i had a bit of a cack at how i opened the last blog and realised it may have been slightly heavy for some people. I guess it was something which was on my heart at the time but i won't apologise for it being so heavy but do sympathise with those who found it difficult to digest. The heart of the matter is that the world is going crazy!!!

I don't really have anything much to blog at the moment but i just felt compelled to blog something...anything...because i am sitting here bored.

My brother's party was a hit, well i liked it anyway.....fun times all round. Unfortunately though, i was NOT the centre of attention (i do like alot of attention) and as a result of that, no-one took my photo with my costume on......i spent sooooooooo much time on that. Ah well, the world is going crazy!!!

With only 3 more weeks left of BB05, i can't make up my mind on whether or not to audition for the show next year....i just keep seeing so many more cons than pros and i wish i wouldn't, imagine being that famous!!! That's why I'd love to be an actress, not because of the money, but because of the papparazzi and the fame and oh oh oh.....just, i wanna be!!!! Wow, people walking down the street looking at ME!!!!!!! People saying my name that i wouldn't know from a bar of soap!!! Soo totally cool!!!!

Sydney Youth Band this weekend which will be sweet ('cept for having to get up early on my only day off). i really do love being in that, it's so much like being back at school in the concert band. I think i like it so much because i know i'll never be a top bench cornet player nor do i have any potential of ever being one, nor do i have a desire to be one, therefore i just roll with the punches and enjoy my whole time being in it. It really is quite relaxing. Although, i'm not really looking forward to "bonding" weekends or trips away because i don't really know anyone chummy enough to enjoy something like that. Practices are ok because all i have to do is show up, play and go home. I don't have to hang around making small talk with people that i know don't really have much time for me anyway. But whatever, the practices and the engagements that we participate in are a lot of fun nonetheless.

Anyway, after wracking my brains for something else to write, i think i've come to a dead-end which really sux, because i'm not ready to stop typing. Have a nice week.

Tink xoxo

The past, the present and the future

I am here today to tell you that God focuses on the present and the future. Not the past!

I'm gonna use the age old sex before marriage thing as an example here. Say you sleep with somone and you're not married to them.

Number 1.
In God's eyes (not something i'm making up), it's a sin.

Number 2.
To mend the break you've created between you and the Father, and even if it's something you've done which you KNEW wasn't right, you need to confess it to God.

Number 3.
Once you've restored your relationship with God, you can continue on the right path with your friend Jesus.

See the thing I've been noticing with NC's (non-Christians) is that I think they see God as focusing on the Past. God is NOT a god of the past, he is a God of the present and the future.

When I sin, God looks at me and shakes his head in disappointment BUT he doesn't strike me down with a bolt of lightning, because he understands that i'm a sinner and because it's not what he does to make his point anymore. All he asks of me is that i get the forgiveness i need and try with his help not to fall into the trap again. See, he's all about making things right. He's more interested in your relationship with him more than anything in the whole world and if there's a seperation between you and him, he wants us to get it right. I don't think that focuses on the past.

Sure, he hates sin, but he doesn't dwell on it, he puts it behind him but only when we ask him to. It's us who stay in the past far too long. God waits for us to do that so that he can get on with the journey we're on with him. It's up to us to keep going and to keep looking ahead instead of constantly looking behind us. For too long we look at the mess our lives seem to be in instead of handing it over to God.....well i say STOP LIVING IN THE PAST, it's over, it's done, fix it and get on with it!!!!! There's so much to be done rather than mull over our sin.....FIX IT....and keep going.....

Taking a look back at the first example i gave of sleeping with someone before you're married, if it's a sin that keeps bringing you down and a trap you keep falling into (and why not when today's slogan seems to be, "if it feels good, do it?!"), you've gotta hand it over completely to God and keep asking him for strength to conquer temptation. You're not going to conquer anything without his help and without constantly communicating with him, after all, they say the best relationships are the ones with the best communication skills.

I'm gonna end it here and i'm just gonna say that keep looking ahead instead of behind, the good things are in front of you the bad things are behind you and that's the way it should be.

If you're living in the past, if you're living in the dark, doing the same thing's you've always done, it's time you started living in the future, in the light and in a way that would make God really proud to have you in his family!

It's never too late to change who you're living for and how you're living, remember, God's waiting for you to take the next move, he's being patient, he's fully waiting!!!! So......i dare you to move!!!!! Make the change today!!!!!

Theory Corner - Part Two

I was sitting with my usual lunch bunch friends and was discussing with them another theory which i have only recently been discovering. So, here 'tis......

Theory 3
When i was being formed and created in my mother's body, all the genes for a boy were being put together.

Unfortunately, a girl gene got through at the very last moment during the final touches and before i or my parents knew it, i was being born.....INTO A GIRL!!!!!!!!!!

Now anybody who knows me well will know that i am not a "girly-girl" and here are my supporting reasons why....

1. I sweat a lot making it extremely difficult to apply make-up. This also makes wearing make-up a hassle and not worth the effort to wear. (Because of that ONE girly gene, i feel the need to wear it!)
   
2. I hate wearing skirts and only do so on Sundays (uniform) or when my pants/jeans are in the wash.
   
3. I hate cleaning.
   
4. I get along with the majority of boys easier than i get along with girls.
   
5. I am not colour co-ordinated and don't really mind what clothes i wear. (Jeans are good for everything!)
   
6. I hate dressing up in dresses or formal clothes. In fact i hate celebrational type activities because i feel obliged to look smart and wear make-up.
   
7. I don't obsess about food which means i'm not a size 4 which means i don't have a "girly figure".
   
8. I'm not quiet and naive, i'm loud and boystrous - not easily embaressed.
   
9. I don't like pink.
   
10. I like to have fun and boys seem to have more fun.
11. I like gross-out, squelchy things including internal organs on an operating table and i don't mind burning ants with a magnifying glass. If you can get dirty and messy, the more fun it is.
    

The only thing which contributes to my "girly" gene would have to be this....

1. My love and undying affection for jewellery. I'm obsessed with it.
   

Here endeth the theory corner for today. I almost came out a boy - almost!

Tink xoxo

Reverting to Childish Things

I have learnt a new thing this week or rather not a new thing but have relearnt an old skill. Check out this recipe:

Paper Mache Paste
1 cup water
1/4 cup flour
5 cups lightly boiling water

Mix flour into one cup water until mixture is thin and runny, stir into boiling water. Gently boil and stir for 3 minutes. Cool before using. (Use with newspaper/newsprint strips for Paper mache).

This is a most awesome thing! I can create anything out of this stuff, even a monster and it's just so easy!!!! It's a great way to get out of the mundane routine of life and get yourself really messy too!!!

Peter Pan is my hero!!!!

Tink xoxo

What if...??

I got thinking yesterday after a girl came up to on the train asking for $2. She was supposedly homeless and living on the streets.

I didn't give.

In situations like this, I always wonder what the "right" response to that is. The thought of that old slogan "what would Jesus do - WWJD" ALWAYS pops into my head. It may be a little old and a little cheesy, heck i even had shoelaces with it on it but I'm always prompted to think about it.

I never seem to know really what he would've done. After i said i had nothing (whilst all along i had coins in my wallet) i really began to feel bad - this ALWAYS happens to me and i wish that there was something i could do to help, it even made the excitement of making a project disappear and it made me stop and think after i had been rushing around frantically. It even made me forget that i was sick and just wanted to go home to my unheated house, but at least shielded from the cold outside winds. So my mind starting thinking about it, as it does and i started thinking of possible answers i could have given that would've enabled me to keep my coins but helped her in some way as i don't believe money solves a problem - especially for a street kid. It even had me thinking about the issue of begging and how much harder homeless people would have to beg because of all the negative media influences about making a weatlhy living off the streets and being "homeless". It might be easy for the media to speak negatively of it and draw attention to it, making people reconsider giving but they already have jobs and they're live in comfortable houses what's it to them if street people continue to live in poverty?

One thought that came to my mind was this. Imagine if we re-visited the scene. I was sitting there with my belongings. The girl asked me "scuse me ma'am, have you got $2 for a homeless person living on the streets?". What if (and that's the line that always haunts me) i said to her, "if you sit next to me (and there was a spare seat - maybe God planned it that way?) and tell me what it is exactly that you need the money for i might be able to help you with something". What if she had a story to tell, what if she just needed someone to listen to her, what if i could've bought her a train ticket, what if i could've shared a meal with her, what if i had made a lifelong friendship with that girl and seen her possibly grow into more than she ever realised or expected she could be and what if she possibly even got to know God personally because i had taken the time to ask her to sit with me?

I am constantly having to deal with "What if's" and having to live with myself because my life is filled with "What if's".

To have asked her to sit with me and chat may have seemed like a ridiculous, hideous thing to have done and it surely would've have received some inquisitive and horrendous glances at the time but if Jesus had of been in that situation, would he have thought so? Would he have even cared? I doubt it.

My prayers were full of requests that night. God please give me more faith to step out even when i think a situation is slightly comical and a tv show could be made out of my wild imagination. Give me just that small amount of courage and faith so you can do your thing.

I guess it kept my mind busy for the rest of the trip home but that didn't solve anything much. I suppose i'll just have to wait and see how i react the next time i am presented with a "what if" situation, relying on God to give me the guts i need to step out and do something other people would consider a little out of the ordinary. Like a good friend of mine says - just an ordinary person with an extraordinary God, would make sense to follow in his extraodinary ways, wouldn't it?!

Tink xoxo

Theory Corner - Part One

I don't know how many "Theory Corners" I'll end up writing but here's a couple that i made up. One when i was in high school and the other when i found i had too many pictures of myself!

Theory 1 - i made this up in high school and even wrote an assessment on it.
If Eve ate the apple and man didn't, would this mean that all women would be clothed and men would be naked??

- it got a chuckle from my english teacher at the time, he enjoyed the read! Here's a quote out of my school report with what he had to say about it!....

In the short time that Alisha has been here she has impressed me as a young lady with some interesting ideas and with well developed writing and expression skills. Her half yearly assessable writing task was one which showed personal conviction, good humour, reasoned argument and good expression skills. I look forward to seeing her progress even further as the second semester unfolds.

R.Whitton (June 1995)

Theory 2 - i made this one up after i found so many pics on my computer of me. Oh my, that sounds so bad?!
If God made me thin, i would love myself and i'd be so stuck up and vain coz i'd be soooooo beautiful. So he made me into a fat chick. It brought me down to earth and has given me a better understanding of people and everyday situations whatever size, shape or colour they might be.

God, he's such a thinker really. He knows best even when we don't quite understand what he's doing.

I would probably be even more horrible than what i am now if i was thin!! Lucky i'm fat, phew, that was a close one?!

Anyway, that's it for my "Theory Corner" for today, hopefully there'll be more to follow, don't hold your breath though!

Tink xoxo

The novelty of it all

In recent days gone past i have started noticing how widely spread Krispy Kremes has become in Sydney.

Yes, it always has been popular and it most probably always will be but what happened to the excitement of travelling hundreds of kilometres (just a slight exaggeration) just to experience the the taste of a Krispy Kreme donut???

With the latest additions of Wynyard, Mascot and more recently Miranda it seems that Krispy Kremes is losing its novelty.

Soon they will be sold in your local coles or woolworths!! Easy access means people will become bored with the latest craze.

One theory i recently heard was that the reasoning behind the numerous chains opening was to open so many that people were no longer interested in buying them and so the foodchain went out of business so that they had to close down only to reopen again and make them repopular....sound a bit far-fetched? Well....i'm predicting the novelty of Krispy Kremes wearing off eventually, but not the taste. The taste will always be top quality!

Tink xoxo

BB05 Eviction tip for July 10

And the nominees are.....

~*Hotdogs*~
~*Kate*~
~*Vesna*~

1. My 3 points for eviction this week go to Hotdogs because he doesn't seem to have a brain of his own in the house at the moment and he is trailing dean around like a little lost puppy dog. He has the potential to be mature and genuinely care about people but is being pressured to deans inner ugliness....shame, shame shame......

2. 2 points go to kate as she has been showing her true, annoying colours in the past week. Also gutting poor timmy like a fish, heart breaker?! However, I imagine she is a favourite of the public and her "true colours" are just not enough to overide Hotdogs this week. Sorry champ! She is also my colleagues, who i shall not mention, winning pick (even though she doesn't watch the show).

3. Personnally Ves is one of my favourites. She is an easy target and boy when she gets going it is fun to watch. Her daily animal attendance is also a scream, top marks for entertainment mate!!! Just a funny all rounder, love her unique personality/attitude. She doesn't let anyone change the person that she is and i say good on 'er, even if her whinging can get a bit much at times! I often feel sorry for her and personally think that if i was in the house (again didn't get CHOSEN?!?!) i would probly feel obliged to consol her, she just seems like a poor lost child in a great big supermarket, brownie points to Rita for being so caring of her!!!


DING, DING, DING.....and the winner isssss...........HOTDOGS!!!!!!! Out you pop!!!

Tink xoxo

Cutting Uncut

It has come to my attention that the screening of the late night television show Uncut (BB05 late porno show) should no longer be aired on television in Australia.

It is exactly that. A pornographic television broadcast. My reasons for my decision are below:

~*It is accessible to young viewers who are able to stay up late*~
~*It is a violation of viewers AND housemates*~
~*Public television should be viewer friendly for all ages, if not it should become pay TV*~

I would like to take this opportunity to remind those of you who are opposed to uncut and in fact those who are not opposed to it of one very real factor. This show may just be a game and may not truly represent a person's real life but bear this in mind, our world, especially the younger generation, is being exposed to these kinds of things in their everyday lives. Young people engage in sex, promiscuity, sex talk, swearing, the use and talk of drugs, racism, bullying, alcoholism and more. Just because we don't see it, doesn't mean it isn't happening. I am not agreeing to these things being aired but perhaps this serves as a reminder/warning of what is going on out there. Perhaps it is time that we did stop turning a blind eye to it and start being active in preventing these things happening. There is no reason to be showing this stuff on television and that is not what I'm saying but we should also not forget the reality that can be found once reading between the lines of this particular show.

However, i still enjoy watching the Big Brother daily show. I believe that Big Brother is an acceptable program, uncut is not. It is indeed voyeurism but in all fairness that is the main gist of the show - to watch other people's, so-called, lives. There is a form of abuse happening within the show and this is the kind of behaviour the producers do encourage. However, these housemates have volunteered their time in the house and at any given time may choose to exit the house of their own free will. They are not prisoners!

So....i'm all out of steam on this....assume nothing, expect anything......

Tink xoxo

Pick up lines - In an elevator???

Ok, this is just a quick funny for the day.....

This morning i was in the lift with the electrician, and mind you, he's not too shabby! But that's beside the point!

There were three of us in the lift and one lady jumped out on 8 and so i was left to ride in the lift 3 floors further with this electrician!

He turned to me briefly and said, "I like your earrings" these are lovely, twinkling diamond earrings that Morgan Cook calls "bling bling" which they're not!

I was embarressed because it wasn't the most comfortable of situations but politely said thank you. (Manners i learnt from Mark Soper - you're a darl!)

He then proceeded to ask me if they were the same.....i mean really?! I started having a complex thinking i'd put two different earrings in each ear!!!! i politely said, "ahh yep" with a smile and hurried out of the lift at my floor.

Tink xoxo

The London Bridge ain't falling down

I guess heapsa people will blog about London in these awful times and too right, so they should. But I've been thinking and maybe I'm wrong to think this, sorry if I am, but this tradgedy, although so many lives have been lost, just doesn't seem like it's going to be as memorable as the Twin Towers coming down.

Isn't that terrible of me to think that?! (Call it my BB05 impure thought for the day)

But how terrible is it that?! A building can mean more than a human life! It's true, the London tradegey will be forgotten quicker than the Twin Towers tradgedy.

What if the Harbour Bridge or the Sydney Opera House were to be blown up? What would be more memorable? The lives that would have been lost? Or the actual monuments themselves being brought down?? For awhile in all honesty, i'd say the lives, but in history you'd always wonder what you were doing at that paricular time.

When you think about it, it's quite a terrible thought! In God's sight we as humans are more valuable and more important than a sparrow or the angels themselves in God's sight and we know that but even with that knowledge, our man-made thoughts (if you like) would have us believe that life/we are not as important as our precious buildings nor is death as memorable as a fallen skyscraper.

If you understood all that and you get what I'm saying (i myself am having difficulty) the significance between events is rather intersting, don't you think???

Tink xoxo

It's time to go....DEAN!!!!

I've decided to start blogging about BB05 seeing as though it's all i ever talk, think, dream about!!

I have some issues i need to get off my chest about Dean.

I don't like him.

He is an arrogant person who manipulates people beyond belief. He thinks he is oh-so-righteous and that the sun shines from a less elegant place if you get my drift. He is rude to people, inconsiderate and has no respect.

My oath, if i was in the house i would have a few things to say to him!!!

For those of you who don't know, i auditioned to be on the show and dammit, they should've picked me!!!

Something else about Dean's lil puppies. He is obviously, yes, the ring leader and is very good at manipulating people as I've already said. First it was Nelson (although, i strongly believe that Nelson led that group - who was the puppy dog then?!) after him it was Glenn. Now, Glenn stayed his right hand man for quite a long time until his inevitable eviction. Hotdogs protested this manipulation at one stage of Glenn following him around like a little puppy dog (jealousy perhaps??). After Glenn's eviction Hotdogs became Deans right-hand man. Was he not just protesting a few weeks before????

It seems that Dean has some evil force in the house and after watching Michelle's surprise eviction and also watching dean NOT be awarded a third strike for his subtle violence threats towards Tim, i'm beggining to wonder if he's a mole....I'm sure i'm wrong, but he is just being too rude to be normal?!

I don't like him, out! i say, out?! Evict Dean!!!

Getting the ball rolling

I've been inspired by one of two people to start blogging. However, being my very first blog I'm not entirely sure what to blog about. I will say though that on the sims 2 site i do blog about my sims and the sagas of their lives. It's dismal I know, but hey, it's part of who I am...hehe....

Punctuation is not important in my life and i am realising with each passing day that my dyslexia gets worse. WOW, random?!

I guess that was kinda like a quote of the day, made up by yours truly!!

'til next time y'all

Tink x0x0